This is NOT Happening

Note: Car before I started out from San Francisco



The Car: “Thump, thump, thump, thump. . .”

Andy: Kristi, do you think that thing is denting my roof?
Note: Andy refers to the cargo box as “that thing.”

Kristi: (looks) Yeah. (calmly)

Andy: Can you feel it?

Kristi: (still calmly)I can see it.



Andy: (looks in the rearview mirror, sees a huge bulge hanging down from the roof, gasps, and immediately darts across 3 lanes of L.A. traffic to exit the freeway.)

GPS: Recalculating. . . Recalculating. . . Recalculating. . .

Andy: (Speechless, starts breathing deeply to avoid hyperventilating).

Kristi: (calmly) There has got to be a design flaw somewhere.

Andy (in her head): WTF? Who cares if it’s a design flaw? OMG, how much will this devalue my car? I still owe $7000 on it. How are we going to get home? Am I going to have to get another hotel room in L.A.? Can a body shop undent the roof? How am I going to tell my Dad? Did I put too much in there? How did this happen?
(out loud) This is not happening.
Kristi: (in her head): Wonder if we can just keep driving? Will it eventually break through? Can they use a giant magnet to pull the dent out? What should I be saying to Andy right now?

The duo pull into the Jiffy Lube exit driveway, then back out and turn the corner to enter and park.

GPS: Recalculating. . .

As they attempt to exit the vehicle, Oscar jumps into the front seat, preventing seat belt removal. He growls as they shove him to the back.

Andy: I’m just gonna get rid all my stuff up there.

Kristi: I can see across the roof. It looks smooth. Can you see from your side?

Andy: (puzzled, remains speechless, feeling the roof in the inside)

Kristi: Come look.

The two walk to the back of the car.

Kristi: See? It looks smooth. The bubble is not touching the roof.
Note: Kristi refers to the cargo box as the bubble.


Andy: (disbelieving) Is that just how my roof is made?

Kristi: (looking stricken) I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to give you a heart attack.

They begin to laugh; Andy hugs Kristi. They go next door to Jack in the Box and order Churros.

Alternate ending:
When Andy darts across 3 lanes of L.A. traffic, she sideswipes a church bus and a 5 car pileup results. The car is totaled; however, strangely there is no damage whatsoever to the roof.